Banana Commando

The Chase Scene - Second Person, Present Tense

As a mentor for the Story Grid Writer Mentorship program, I have to assign constrained scene assignments to my students to help them grow as a writer. Of course, some constraints make writer’s nervous and I want to be sure I’m able to perform the tasks I’m asking of them. So, I tackled the first assignment of the program this week using the following constraints:

Assignment 1: The Chase Scene (Round 1)

Scene Type: Action
Word Count: 500
Mentor Dials:

• POV: 2nd Person

• Tense: Present

• Dialogue: None

• Setting: Changing Physical Domain

Focus:

• Physical-only storytelling using the five senses

• Enforcing strict "showing only" (no thoughts, no emotions)

• Testing ability to structure a scene with clear Five Commandments

At the bottom of this scene are the ten editor protocol questions we apply to scenes to validate or plan our scenes to determine whether they work or not. I decided to have fun with this one. According to my word counter, it’s exactly 500 words. Then, for fun, I set it to music via Suno.com (audio below).

Banana Commando

The nice Jewish lady stands and you turn from the table.
The usher pulls the tape taut across the gap behind you.
Click—it locks into the post.

Look down: Wonder Woman smolders over a silver scribble and loopy heart.

You grin. And Sigh.

Look up: there's a giant banana.
His eyes flick to the autograph.
His mouth puckers. His fists strain white.

You nod, smile quivering. Step into the hall.
All around: costumes swish, chatter rises.
Trails of spicy beef waft from a burrito stand nearby.

You glance at the menu.
A flash of yellow catches your eye.

The banana is behind you.

Faster.
You stumble into the crowd.

Grunts and curses trail behind as your turtle shell jostles shoulders.

You look back: the banana is gaining.

Quick!
You veer into a forest of furries.
Rayon foxes. Downy dragons.
You slip through.

Pop!
Into the expo room, spitting out pink fur.
Right, passing booths: indie comics, action figures, Funko Pop!
Left. Another right.
Stop.

A Harley Quinn contest.
Fishnets. Leather shorts. Babydoll t-shirts riding up over their—

Oh! Yellow in your periphery.
You turn. The banana is there.
Stiff.
Staring.
You both watch Quinns strike poses.

One.
Two.
Three.

You bolt. He follows.

You bump Wolverine in a wife beater.
He shoves you into a band of Teletubbies.
They toss you aside.
They smell like cheap cigars and astroglide.

The banana reaches and grabs.

You yank the autograph back.
Roll onto the seafoam carpet under hopping legs.
You leap up.
Step. Stomp. Run!

Weave through Avengers.
Shuffle between xenomorph Marge Simpson and Warhammer Santa Claus.

Burst into the main hall. It's packed.
At the far end: elevators.

Crash!
Behind you, the banana slams a gaggle of Gryffindors.
Broomsticks fly everywhere.

You run.

Traipse around Teen Titans. Dodge daleks.
Genuflect slide under Gandalf on stilts.
Stop!

Deadpool in a top hat blocks your path.

Veer left: he's there.
Veer right: still there.

Left. Right.
He kick dances, cane swinging,
Like Michael Flatley with a shillelagh.

You bellow a barbaric yawp, arms flailing.

Deadpool screams.
You charge forward.
Shove him aside with your polylactic shell.

Trip! Your legs fly out. Thud! Onto your butt.

Deadpool hat-tips; struts away, cane twirling.

Yellow felt blazes toward you. The banana pushes and shoves.
You scoot back and back and Ding!

Shubba-shubba-shubba-shub-shub-shhh…

The elevator opens.

You dive in. Jam the button.

Tchik-tuh—FIVE lights up.

The banana approaches, eyes glinting, teeth flashing.

Chika-chika-chika-chunk!
You hammer CLOSE.

The door closes and closes and his eyes peer through the gap that closes and closes and stop! Fingers in the gap.

The doors open.

The banana stomps in.

You clutch the photo to your chest. He holds out his hand. You shake your head.
Again the door closes and closes. Your rubber suit squeaks down the wall.

You roll.

Spin.

Between his legs.

Wince! Ooh. Banana commando!

You kick off the wall and slide through the door, green feet tucked.

The door pinches shut over the banana's glare.

Editor's Protocol

Who is the Antagonist? The Banana

Who is the Protagonist? The Turtle

What does the Antagonist want? The signed photo of Gal Gadot

What does the Protagonist want? To keep the signed photo of Gal Gadot

What is the Inciting Incident? The Banana man looks at the signed photo and charges.

What is the Turning Point? The elevator doors are closing you in with the banana.

What is the Crisis? Give him the photo or duck and run

What is the Climax? Duck and run

What is the Resolution? Banana glares.

Who won the scene? Turtle