This was another practice in scene planning and execution centered around the crisis of the scene. In this example, I used the Take a Chance on Me scene as this was the scene for which my student asked for an example. The render didn’t align 100% with the plan, but that’s how things go. The inciting incident comes in just shy of 20% of the way through the scene so still a little late. The gist of the Take a Chance on Me is, at the lightest level, someone asking someone else on a date, but there are variations on this scenario that take things a little deeper. It doesn’t have to be wholesome, but for this example, I’m using a marriage proposal to assist in an end of life situation.
The Constraints
🙏 The “Take a Chance on Me” Scene
✨ The Antagonist wants the Protagonist to agree to go on a date.
Inciting Incident: Antagonist asks the Protagonist on a date
Crisis: Trust Dilemma
Climax: The Protagonist says yes or no
Word Count: 800 max
PoV: 1st Person, present - Antagonist
The Plan
Why does the Antagonist want to go on a date with the Protagonist?
The antagonist is a EMT, and she is asking her partner to marry her, because she just found out he has terminal cancer and will be dealing with it alone after he retires the next day.
What is the crisis that the inciting incident is going to lead to.
The partner will either say yes, or no to the Antagonist’s proposal.
Inciting Incident: You should marry me. Him: Are you kidding?
Progressive complications:
No, you’ll need someone to manage things when you’re on chemo <-- If I even do chemo
Then if you don’t you’ll really need my help <-- Why would you want to go through this again?
Because you put me back together after Don. <-- And then who’ll help you when I’m gone?
I’ll do therapy. <-- Laughs
Don’t be an ass. I want to be there for you, however this ends up. <-- I just can’t put you through that, I’ve got a solid retirement, I’ll have a home nurse, I’ll have the best doctors. I’ll be taken care of.
But who will make the hard decisions when you can’t?
Turning Point: I’ve already filled out a DNR, I don’t need you to make that decision for me, I won’t let you carry that. If you want to help me, bring me soup that won’t taste bad coming back up.
Crisis: I won’t be here to bring you soup. I’ve already been over the matter with HR, and I’m not taking another partner. There’s an opportunity out of town that I need to accept by the weekend. I can’t watch another man I love die from the sidelines. If I’m going to mourn you, I’d rather start over somewhere else.
Climax: He agrees to marry her.
Resolution: She smiles and hands him a ring made from a twisty tie.
The Render
I shut off the motor and the hot metal clicks cool. “How long do you have?”
John tugs on his shoulder strap, staring straight ahead. “Six months without chemo.”
I frown. “And with?”
John shakes his head. “Maybe a year? More? Who the hell knows.”
I pick up a straw wrapper from the dash and uncrumple it.
John sighs. “Don’t think I wanna find out, either. There are better ways to die.”
I snap up and glare. “So that’s it? You finally retire after forty years just to ride off into the sunset?”
He shrugs. “Pension buys six months on a nice beach or a few years of puking poison. We both know how this fight goes.”
I flatten the wrapper neat and fold it. “Alone on a beach.”
He shrugs. “Alone either way.”
I curl the wrapper over my finger. “Marry me then.”
John’s eyes pop. “Excuse me?”
“You need someone to take care of you when things get bad.” I meet his eyes. “Let it be me.”
He shakes his head, tugging the shoulder strap, hand on the buckle. “No. No, not a chance.”
I hold his eyes. He huffs and looks away. “Why would you want to go through that again?”
“Because I know I’ll survive it.” I flip and fold the wrapper. “You put me back together after Don, I owe you.”
He glares at me. “And you me with Martha. We’re even!”
My lips go flat. “That’s not how love works, John.”
“Love, Penny? I’m older than your dad.” He swirls his finger over his groin. “And ain’t none of this gonna work at all real soon.”
I scrunch my nose and blow through it. “Don’t be an ass!”
He throws up his hands. “I’m just sayin’, I’m taken care of. I reached full investment, so I’ll have nurses, home hospice, brand name Jell-O from the cafeteria. You can visit me, bring me a card, some scotch in a tea bottle and then go home to some young healthy guy who can take care of you for a change. I don’t need you waking up a 4 am to wipe the diarrhea off my ass.”
“What about PoA? Who makes those decisions when you can’t?” I breathe and my chest shudders. “Who’ll make sure they honor your DNR?”
His eyes are red when he looks at me. “You want me to sign that over? Fine. You don’t have to be Mrs. John Hanson to do that.”
I lay a hand on his shoulder. “But, John, I want to be.”
He shakes me off. “And I don’t want to leave behind a widow.” He turns away; his eyes are closed in passenger window’s reflection. “Why can’t I just close my eyes on friends.”
I fiddle with and flip the wrapper. My eyes heat up. “I’ll feel it the same either way. You know me, I can’t watch from the sidelines while another man I love dies. I’ve already accepted an offer out of state.”
John turns back to me, brow scrunched.
I shrug, twiddling the wrapper in my fingers. “A month ago, your plan was some condo in Costa Rica, and I wanted out of here, so I applied in Colorado Springs.”
John’s hands shake and squeeze his seatbelt. “Then you should go. The DNR is settled. If they bring me back I’ll raise so much hell they’ll smother me with a pillow.” He picks at his eye.
I glower at him but he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Is that what you want, John? Flowers from friends who care for you but won’t visit because it’s ugly? The gloved hands of a nurse rolling you over, cleaning your vomit, speaking soft but unworried, uninvested.” I tuck in the edges of the wrapper in my fingers, and smooth the folds. “Or do you want a woman who loves you, who’ll cry with you when the pain is too much. Who’ll speak for you at the funeral.”
He buries his face in his hands. “I don’t want to be alone, Penny.”
I blink, a tear breaks loose. “Then, John Hanson, will you marry me?” I hold up the ring I’ve made of straw wrapping.
He looks over and takes the ring, laughing, chest shaking, tears streaming. “Yes.”
I laugh too and smile through the tears running down my face. I reach out and thumb away the tears from his. “Then it looks like we have some planning to do.”
Editor’s Protocol
What are the forces of Antagonism?
Penny
Who is the Protagonist?
John
What do the forces of Antagonism want the Protagonist to do?
Penny wants John to marry her so she can take care of him as he fights or dies from cancer.
What does the Protagonist want to do?
John wants Penny to live her own life without losing her entirely.
What is the 1 emotion the reader will experience?
Hope?
What is the Inciting Incident?
I curl the wrapper over my finger. “Marry me then.”
John’s eyes pop. “Excuse me?”
What is Turning Point?
John’s hands shake and squeeze his seatbelt. “Then you should go. The DNR is settled. If they bring me back I’ll raise so much hell they’ll smother me with a pillow.” He picks at his eye.
What is the Crisis? Does John say yes or no:
“Is that what you want, John? Flowers from friends who care for you but won’t visit because it’s ugly? The gloved hands of a nurse rolling you over, cleaning your vomit, speaking soft but unworried, uninvested.” I tuck in the edges of the wrapper in my fingers, and smooth the folds. “Or do you want a woman who loves you, who’ll cry with you when the pain is too much. Who’ll speak for you at the funeral.”
He buries his face in his hands. “I don’t want to be alone, Penny.”
I blink, a tear breaks loose. “Then, John Hanson, will you marry me?” I hold up the ring I’ve made of straw wrapping.
What is the Climax?
He looks over and takes the ring, laughing, chest shaking, tears streaming. “Yes.”
What is the Resolution?
I laugh too and smile through the tears running down my face. I reach out and thumb away the tears from his. “Then it looks like we have some planning to do.”
Who won the scene? Penny
