Take a Chance on Me - Attempt 1
First Person "Take a Chance on Me" Scene Practice
I’m impatient, so I skipped ahead to the Take a Chance on Me scene. I’ll go back and do Assignment 2 later (rewrite the 2nd person chase scene in 1st person with more words and some dialogue). I got this idea in my head when discussing the scene with my colleagues and wanted to jump on it. Here’s how that went (498 words).
Assignment 3: The "Take a Chance on Me" Scene (Round 1)
Scene Type: Love
Word Count: 500
Mentor Dials:
POV: 1st Person Strict
Tense: Present
Balanced mix of Dialogue and Physical Action
Setting: Performing a physical task (e.g., washing dishes, walking)
Focus:
Introducing trust stakes and subtle emotional tension
Integrating physical activity with early-stage dialogue
Testing ability to keep momentum in a grounded, everyday setting
At the bottom of this scene are the ten editor protocol questions we apply to scenes to validate or plan our scenes to determine whether they work or not.
And of course, the audio drama.
Feed the Pigs
Bridget runs shears along the black plastic. I tug it open. Together, we grab one side and roll the dead man onto the tarp. A squeal echoes from the pigpen behind us.
Bridget's blue overalls are crisp and clean. She tightens her gloves. Grabs the sawzall and gives it a whir.
I reach out and tuck a blonde curl behind her face shield. "There, before things get messy." Her blue eyes sparkle. She looks away and kneels at the man's shoulder.
I clear my throat. "Hey, only one today. What say we hit Jambee's after this? I'm buying."
"Huh?" She glances up, and then down. "Hey, straighten this arm."
The man's arms are curled tight. I wrench at the elbow. Pop! It gives. She cuts it away from the armpit.
"Jambee's. Let's go grab a drink. Just you and me." I shout.
She's cutting through the other arm. Stops the saw. Looks at me.
"Like... a date, John?"
I toss the arms into the wheelbarrow as blood sluices down the plastic.
"Sure, why not? We've been doing this together, what, five years now?"
She shuffles on her knees to the waist. Cuts through the left femur.
"Yeah, and we have a great working relationship. You wanna ruin that by fraternizing?"
The leg rolls away; she hops over to the right.
I fold it into the wheelbarrow.
"Well, no, I mean, we're great business partners. But I think we could be even better life partners."
She cuts through the other leg. Shakes her head.
"John, jobs like ours... let's just say the exit interviews are a bitch. I don't want things to get messy."
I lay the leg next to its partner.
"Hey, if shit gets weird, I'll just transfer to shakedowns. Don says there's an opening since Julio got pinched."
I lean down and grab the head by the topknot, lift, steady it in my other hand. Bridget slides the blade under the neck and cuts up. Wincing as she rocks through the vertebrae.
"But I like what we have. You go off with Don and I'll never see you." She hollers.
My lips curl up. "So, you're saying you'd miss me."
The blade shreds through the throat. Blood spatters my shield. I stand with the head.
She stands and cradles the saw, frowning. "Oh! Of course I would, you idiot."
"Then let's see more of each other. Come on. Go out with me. Just tonight. A free trial—no credit card required. If we don't have any fun, I swear I'll never bring it up again." I nod at the head. "Life's short, you know?"
Bridget puffs through her teeth. Shakes her head. Her fingers toy with the saw's trigger lock.
She turns it and hands it to me. "Oh, alright. But I buy the second round. We're partners, remember?"
I grin, taking the saw in one hand. "Great." I toss a hook shot with the other. The head drops into the wheelbarrow. "You can feed the pigs."
Editor's Protocol
Who is the Antagonist? John
Who is the Protagonist? Bridget
What does the Antagonist want? Bridget to agree to grab a drink with him.
What does the Protagonist want? To keep things professional
What is the Inciting Incident? I clear my throat. "Hey, only one today. What say we hit Jambee's after this? I'm buying."
What is the Turning Point? "...If we don't have any fun, I swear I'll never bring it up again." I nod at the head. "Life's short, you know?"
What is the Crisis? Does Bridget go out with John, risking their great working relationship or reject him now and preserve their professionalism.
What is the Climax? "Oh, alright. But I buy the second round. We're partners, remember?"
What is the Resolution? I grin, taking the saw in one hand. "Great." I toss a hook shot with the other. The head drops into the wheelbarrow. "You can feed the pigs."
Who won the scene? John